Bert The Cook

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" rowspan="2" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <B><U>Assorted Stories</U></B></div> <div> <A HREF="id35.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Claude1"><B><U>Claude The Crow</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id56.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Claude Rturns"><B><U>Claude Returns</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id60.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Swivel Head"><B><U>Swivel Head the Koala</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Ghosts in the bush"><B><U>Ghosts in the Bush</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Max"><B><U>Max</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id38.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Great Bed Race"><B><U>The Great Bed Race</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id39.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Mr Webster"><B><U>Mr Webster</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id41.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Big Red"><B><U>Big Red</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id40.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Them Aussies"><B><U>Them Aussie are Tuff</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id42.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Cokklebid"><B><U>Cokklebiddy</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id43.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage in the Bush"><B><U>Marriage in the Bush</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id44.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="7 Strippers in Paradise"><B><U>7 Strippers in Paradise</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id45.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Brotherhood"><B><U>The Brotherhood</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id46.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lady Penelope"><B><U>Lady Penelope</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id47.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Gday Mate"><B><U>Gday Mate</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id48.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Duke"><B><U>The Duke</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id49.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bluey"><B><U>Bluey</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id50.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Walkers"><B><U>The Walkers</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id51.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Inventer"><B><U>The Inventor</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id52.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Lumpy"><B><U>Lumpy</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id53.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Madeline"><B><U>Madeline</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Stan the Pot Man"><B><U>Stan The Pot Man</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id55.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Our Man Stan"><B><U>Our Man Stan</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id57.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bert The Cook"><B><U>Bert The Cook</U></B></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id58.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Coober Pedy"><B><U>Coober Pedy</U></B></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=82 style=" border-bottom: 1px solid #999980;" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="0408dfe1egerdp.jpg"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Arial" ><B>Glenn-Harris</B></FONT><B>     </B><B>|</B><B>     </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="GlennHarris"><B>home</B></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" height=398 width="100%" colspan=2 BGCOLOR="#CCCC99" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="0408dfc3.jpg"> <div> <B><U>Bert The Cook</U></B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I had the pleasure on many an occasion to work with road gangs, deep in the outback, our job was to grade a track from homesteads to the main roads, this way the homesteaders would have a better way of travelling. It was long dusty work, sometimes each stint would last for several weeks at a time. The days would begin for us around 6am, we would eat bacon & eggs, loads of coffee then it would be off to work, for around 12 hours including breaks.</B></div> <div> <B>There would always be about 30 guys all with various jobs, I remember one of these chaps quite well, his name was Berty.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>We had been grading a section of land near about a dozen homesteads, our cook had been taken ill, with appendicitis, so until his replacement arrived we were virtually eating out of tins.</B></div> <div> <B>Finally our new cook arrived, much to the amazement of our crew, his name was Berty Brown and he only had one arm, his left arm he said he lost in a machinery shop in Adelaide.</B></div> <div> <B>I guess we didn't have much faith in this one arm cook, but the foreman gave him a weeks tryout.</B></div> <div> <B>Now the most amazing things happened, for the whole week we were served the most exquisite food I have ever eaten, from Lamb to Kangaroo, all served piping hot and tasted great.</B></div> <div> <B>Needless to say Berty was offered the job full time.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now the role of a cook is quite unique, basically when you needed to upgrade the pantry with more stores, the boss would give you a blank cheque and off you would go into town to buy things. Because Berty was making really good food the boss would give him the go ahead to buy more things.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>I liked to watch Berty especially when he was making bread, he used to put the dough on top of his left shoulder and press his chin onto it continuously, I never once did see him drop it.</B></div> <div> <B>Berty had one major problem and that was he loved Whisky, he even used to wash his teeth in it in the morning, he just loved the stuff.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Berty last a full 3 months with our outfit, before he was fired, it seems that instead of buying meat in town, he would instead go into the bush and scrape up a bit of road kill. When feeding 30 guys he had found that there was not enough roadkill available, so he started setting traps. When he served Kangaroo, he just added sauce and told everyone it was Lamb.</B></div> <div> <B>With the money he was given to buy meat, he just pocketed this, and would promptly spend it and the local pub, buying his weekly bellyful of whisky.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Unfortunately for Berty he was found out by the police, they were bewildered to find roadkill carcases over a 20 klm road, but all the skins were left behind, only the innards had been taken.</B></div> <div> <B>So after awhile and after lots of questions, Berty was found out. </B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Whenever I eat out with friends and see Kangaroo meat on the menu, I always think back to Berty and his interesting recipes.</B></div> <div> <B>I would say to you all, if your ever travelling in the outback, and stop to have dinner somewhere, just enquire as to the name of the cook and if his name is Berty, then well.... Kangaroo is nice anytime of the year.</B></div> </td> </tr></table></body>